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worldsapart) wrote2012-04-26 10:10 pm
worldsapart) wrote2012-04-26 10:10 pm
tower of animus ✘ i am the only one to blame for this
What... What's happening to me?
She thinks she's in the pod again. There are figures moving outside of it, but she can't quite make them out. Their forms are fuzzy, and she can't even tell how many there are. She can't move. She can barely breathe. She wants to pound on the door, demand to be let out, to know what's going on, someone, please, anyone, answer her, open the pod, there's not enough air -- but, but she can't. She can't move. She can't scream.
The only thing he could do was stand there and watch his home be destroyed. Names and images and memories of the people he's known all his life flash through his mind, one after another. As he swings the strange Keyblade wildly to fend off the living shadows, he just wants to scream and cry but he can't because then they'll get him too and Riku and Kairi and Selphie and Tidus and Wakka and why is this happening?! What's going on?! It was just a storm, how could it have led to this
How could this be happening? He doesn't understand, even as he tightens his grip on Aubade and ducks and rolls and cries out words of desperation. "Stop! Can't you hear me?" They had just been eating ice cream together, and for that moment, even though everything in his life was a lie and nothing was certain, at least something felt right for once, so why is he fighting her?! He doesn't want to fight her. He doesn't want to hurt her. He just wants to eat ice cream with her (and Axel) forever, why can't they just run away together to the beach where everything will be perfect, a permanent vacation, just for the three of them. He doesn't want this. He never wanted any of this. But she's become a better fighter than he is, and he screams as her attack connects
She screams as his Keyblade slams down on her back. She doesn't want to fight him, but she can't resist it. She can't resist whatever it was Xemnas did to her. (She knows it was him, she woke up, she saw him, she couldn't move she couldn't do anything to attack to defend to stop him from changing her.) She can use this, though. The situation isn't without hope. If she taunts him, if she holds herself back just enough, he should be the one who wins, the one who survives, and that's all she can ask for right now. She hates that it has come to this, but she knows it isn't her fault or his fault or Riku's fault or anyone's but Xemnas'. Except maybe it is her fault, because she can't seem to stop, she can't stop herself, and as she feels her body turn and swing the warped Keyblade she just wants to scream
I said STOP! Naminé shouted, and just like that, Riku collapsed. Except he was never Riku at all, Larxene tells him, and all he can do is stand there and listen, horrified. A puppet? An experiment? A toy? But this can't be... This isn't right. How could Riku be a fake? How does that make any sense? Every time they met, he tried so hard to plead with him, to reach out to him, to try and reconcile, but Riku was just so angry and how could that be fake? And Naminé -- Naminé, he promised he'd protect her, she's a dear friend, he'd do anything for her -- Naminé's the one who did all this? She's been messing with his memories? No -- No, that can't be, this can't be fake, it feels so real and how could Larxene just dismiss it all like it means nothing
How can he say her Keyblade is a sham?! It came to her. It chose her. It answers to her. And maybe it went away for a while, and maybe she still doesn't know why, but it's still hers. And Roxas and Axel tried so hard to help her get it back. Axel risked Saïx's wrath, risked lying to the entire Organization, and Roxas went out with her on the field and practiced with her, protected her, gave her his Keyblade and fought with nothing but magic and a stick. It's more than just her weapon, more than her purpose, more than her use to the Organization. Now, it's a symbol of her friendship with Axel and Roxas. It means so much to her and he's saying it's fake?! How dare he?! He doesn't understand what the Keyblade really is. He doesn't understand what it means to her. He doesn't understand what she's been through or how she she's worked so hard for the Organization, how they've given her everything she has, and it makes her so mad she can barely stand it
He can't stand it any longer. He can't just let them say and do whatever they want with him. No one is giving him the answers. No one is telling him the truth. He deserves that, more than anything else. He doesn't care if he's a Nobody, he doesn't care if he's not supposed to exist or feel, he doesn't care what the Organization wants him to do or be. He has a right to exist. He has a right to be himself, and he has a right to know about himself. He has fought so hard for almost a year, he has done everything he can for the Organization, for Axel, for Xion, the least anyone can do is tell him the truth! But here Axel is, still lying to him, still acting like he's not doing anything wrong, and he's just done. He's done with Axel. He's done with the Organization. He's done with all of this. If they won't tell him what's going on, he'll find out himself, even if it means he's going to do it alone. Axel is trying to stop him, but he isn't going to listen. There's some part of him deep down underneath the anger that is screaming
The scream echoes in his mind even after the men are gone. Whenever he thinks about it, his stomach churns. He feels sick. He just watched a man be burned to death by his colleague -- by someone who was supposed to be a friend. Maybe this Organization aren't really friends, like he thought. There's no way someone would do that to a friend. And, worst of all, Axel didn't even care. It was normal. It was right. He can't stand it. He doesn't understand it. It's sick and wrong and he sees Vexen in flames when he closes his eyes and he has to try not to throw up. He tries to forget about it, tries not to think about it, but it's hard and there's a part of him that doesn't want to forget
She doesn't want him to forget her, she never wanted him to forget her, but more than anything, she never wanted this. She's watching him fade right before her eyes, fade into wisps of black smoke and white whispers and she can't do anything about it. She wants to reach for him, but she can't move. She wants to call his name, but she can't speak. She wants to cry and scream and turn back time because this isn't how it was supposed to happen but there are too many memories, too many abilities, too much energy and life flowing into her that she can't handle it. All she can do is stay there on her hands and knees on the cobbled ground under this beautiful idyllic sunset and watch as her best friend dies because she killed him
And it's all her fault.
It's the last thought she has before she finally passes out.
She thinks she's in the pod again. There are figures moving outside of it, but she can't quite make them out. Their forms are fuzzy, and she can't even tell how many there are. She can't move. She can barely breathe. She wants to pound on the door, demand to be let out, to know what's going on, someone, please, anyone, answer her, open the pod, there's not enough air -- but, but she can't. She can't move. She can't scream.
The only thing he could do was stand there and watch his home be destroyed. Names and images and memories of the people he's known all his life flash through his mind, one after another. As he swings the strange Keyblade wildly to fend off the living shadows, he just wants to scream and cry but he can't because then they'll get him too and Riku and Kairi and Selphie and Tidus and Wakka and why is this happening?! What's going on?! It was just a storm, how could it have led to this
How could this be happening? He doesn't understand, even as he tightens his grip on Aubade and ducks and rolls and cries out words of desperation. "Stop! Can't you hear me?" They had just been eating ice cream together, and for that moment, even though everything in his life was a lie and nothing was certain, at least something felt right for once, so why is he fighting her?! He doesn't want to fight her. He doesn't want to hurt her. He just wants to eat ice cream with her (and Axel) forever, why can't they just run away together to the beach where everything will be perfect, a permanent vacation, just for the three of them. He doesn't want this. He never wanted any of this. But she's become a better fighter than he is, and he screams as her attack connects
She screams as his Keyblade slams down on her back. She doesn't want to fight him, but she can't resist it. She can't resist whatever it was Xemnas did to her. (She knows it was him, she woke up, she saw him, she couldn't move she couldn't do anything to attack to defend to stop him from changing her.) She can use this, though. The situation isn't without hope. If she taunts him, if she holds herself back just enough, he should be the one who wins, the one who survives, and that's all she can ask for right now. She hates that it has come to this, but she knows it isn't her fault or his fault or Riku's fault or anyone's but Xemnas'. Except maybe it is her fault, because she can't seem to stop, she can't stop herself, and as she feels her body turn and swing the warped Keyblade she just wants to scream
I said STOP! Naminé shouted, and just like that, Riku collapsed. Except he was never Riku at all, Larxene tells him, and all he can do is stand there and listen, horrified. A puppet? An experiment? A toy? But this can't be... This isn't right. How could Riku be a fake? How does that make any sense? Every time they met, he tried so hard to plead with him, to reach out to him, to try and reconcile, but Riku was just so angry and how could that be fake? And Naminé -- Naminé, he promised he'd protect her, she's a dear friend, he'd do anything for her -- Naminé's the one who did all this? She's been messing with his memories? No -- No, that can't be, this can't be fake, it feels so real and how could Larxene just dismiss it all like it means nothing
How can he say her Keyblade is a sham?! It came to her. It chose her. It answers to her. And maybe it went away for a while, and maybe she still doesn't know why, but it's still hers. And Roxas and Axel tried so hard to help her get it back. Axel risked Saïx's wrath, risked lying to the entire Organization, and Roxas went out with her on the field and practiced with her, protected her, gave her his Keyblade and fought with nothing but magic and a stick. It's more than just her weapon, more than her purpose, more than her use to the Organization. Now, it's a symbol of her friendship with Axel and Roxas. It means so much to her and he's saying it's fake?! How dare he?! He doesn't understand what the Keyblade really is. He doesn't understand what it means to her. He doesn't understand what she's been through or how she she's worked so hard for the Organization, how they've given her everything she has, and it makes her so mad she can barely stand it
He can't stand it any longer. He can't just let them say and do whatever they want with him. No one is giving him the answers. No one is telling him the truth. He deserves that, more than anything else. He doesn't care if he's a Nobody, he doesn't care if he's not supposed to exist or feel, he doesn't care what the Organization wants him to do or be. He has a right to exist. He has a right to be himself, and he has a right to know about himself. He has fought so hard for almost a year, he has done everything he can for the Organization, for Axel, for Xion, the least anyone can do is tell him the truth! But here Axel is, still lying to him, still acting like he's not doing anything wrong, and he's just done. He's done with Axel. He's done with the Organization. He's done with all of this. If they won't tell him what's going on, he'll find out himself, even if it means he's going to do it alone. Axel is trying to stop him, but he isn't going to listen. There's some part of him deep down underneath the anger that is screaming
The scream echoes in his mind even after the men are gone. Whenever he thinks about it, his stomach churns. He feels sick. He just watched a man be burned to death by his colleague -- by someone who was supposed to be a friend. Maybe this Organization aren't really friends, like he thought. There's no way someone would do that to a friend. And, worst of all, Axel didn't even care. It was normal. It was right. He can't stand it. He doesn't understand it. It's sick and wrong and he sees Vexen in flames when he closes his eyes and he has to try not to throw up. He tries to forget about it, tries not to think about it, but it's hard and there's a part of him that doesn't want to forget
She doesn't want him to forget her, she never wanted him to forget her, but more than anything, she never wanted this. She's watching him fade right before her eyes, fade into wisps of black smoke and white whispers and she can't do anything about it. She wants to reach for him, but she can't move. She wants to call his name, but she can't speak. She wants to cry and scream and turn back time because this isn't how it was supposed to happen but there are too many memories, too many abilities, too much energy and life flowing into her that she can't handle it. All she can do is stay there on her hands and knees on the cobbled ground under this beautiful idyllic sunset and watch as her best friend dies because she killed him
And it's all her fault.
It's the last thought she has before she finally passes out.